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Lana Del Rey - Born To Die (The Alternative Review)

Like many of us, Lana Del Rey has had problems in her life. Sometimes Lana Del Rey finds herself in an awkward situations and doesn’t know what to do. And more often than not, Lana Del Rey will be sweetly drifting to sleep and her brain will start to remind of all of the stupid shit she’s done in her life.

Lana Del Rey has had to get over all of this however to be a singer, all-round bad girl and to make an album. And she’s done this quite well. I say quite, I mean really.

People keep talking about Lana Del Rey’s lips. Apparently her lips aren’t real - but that’s silly, everyone’s lips are real, what they mean to say is that Lana Del Rey’s lips have been cosmetically enhanced. But that’s silly too, she’s got big ‘ol lips but that can be done with make-up, or maybe she just spends a lot of her time pouting. And then there are times when she hasn’t got big lips and she’s confusing everyone.

What everyone is actually trying to say is that Lana Del Rey herself is fake (along with the lips) and they are trying to say that she’s a rich bitch with a manufactured persona and a crap voice. That is what they are trying to say. They’re wrong though.

People these days can’t be trusted with a celebrity, especially if said celebrity has some talent. Because there is nothing more we love to do than build someone up to the point where they are untouchable and then knock them right down again. Make them sorry for being prettier or more popular or more talented than us. Its called the Perez complex.

But someone like Lana Del Rey hasn’t seen before and she must of thought that since she’s new and shiny she would be safe. So she put out a buzz-song and it did well in the charts because it’s a lovely song then people started looking at her because she’s very pretty and then they started blogging about her because she’s relevant.

But that’s not important because she’s got an album out with songs on it and I’ve listened to it. And it’s good.

Lana Del Rey is like a baby - she hasn’t really got a personality or anything like that so she’s been able to make one for herself and she’s done a good job of it. She’s the sort of damaged bad girl who likes to dabble in drugs but isn’t hardcore into it. She goes for the bad boys because she’s bored because she thinks that everyone will be expecting her to change him but she wont be doing that because she likes a bit of violence and cocaine.

I’ll shorten Lana Del Rey to LDR from now on.

So yes. LDR has an album out, it’s called Born To Die and it is ‘hotly anticipated’ by music people and people who listen to music alike. Of which I like to think I am a bit of both.

The first four tracks are songs that we have already heard before. One of these is the first single - ‘Born To Die’ (Video Games was actually the first single but it wasn’t supposed to be and plus that was before the album so Born To Die is the first single and I don’t want any arguments about it so just calm down). Anyway it is amazing. If you haven’t seen the video yet, go do that now, it’s just amazing and mad.

After this we have ‘Diet Mtn Dew’, ‘National Anthem’, ‘Dark Paradise’, ‘Radio’ and ‘Carmen’ which I will consolidate into one chuck. These songs are great, along with ‘Born To Die’ these are the best of the album. They contain some of the most fascinating lyrics of the whole album and I will highlight some of these lyrics below:

• ‘National Anthem’ - “Money is the anthem of success/So put on mascara/And you party dress”.
• ‘Carmen’ “Darlin’ doesn’t have a problem/Lieing to herself/’Cos her liquor’s top shelf”.

There’s something so completely mad and deluded about these songs, LDR’s vocals are amazing as studio-enhanced as they are, as long as I don’t hear autotune I’m happy. 

And since this is a MUSIC REVIEW I better comment on the actual music. Although LDR’s vocals take some of the light away from the music, it is good bloody music. It’s the kind of music that you could play at 3AM and scream at you Boyfriend/Girlfriend/Best Friend/Boss with ease - they just have that feeling about them.

We go past ‘Carmen’ however and we skip right right into filler land which isn’t fair but it’s true. This section of this wonderful album really is for the fans and while every song is beautiful in it’s own right - it can get very tiring after a while.

But whatever I don’t care because these songs are ‘growers’ and they will grow on me. 

According to my iTunes the song I have listened to the most is ‘National Anthem’ so it must be my favourite. Which is quite good because it is my favourite. 

When this album comes out go and buy it and support LDR because she really is amzing. Really.

5/5.

Lana Del Rey - Born To Die Review

Lana Del Rey (Real name Elizabeth Grant), the New York born singer-songwriter has risen to fame recently with a slew of beautiful music. Her breakthrough single, “Video Games” debuted on the UK Top 40 at 9th position last year and she has been fairly quiet ever since.

That is, until now. Her debut album, “Born To Die” with her new record label, Interscope will be available via CD and digital download on January 30th and it is already tipped to be one of the top albums of 2012. It is promised to be a beautiful journey into the madness and sadism of a girl who doesn’t think she’s enough.

The album begins with ‘Off to the Races’ and the lines “My old man/Is a bad man” - the sinister eloquence of the performance is exhilarating and the high tempo and beautiful strings make this a brilliant song to begin with.

‘Born To Die’, the first single from the album follows ‘Off to the Races’ and this is easily my favourite song of the album. The stunning vocals matches a beautiful soundtrack and the electrifying lyrics tells the most beautifully depressing story “Choose your last words/This is the last time/’Cos you and I/We were born to die”.

The entire album is packed with Del Rey’s perfect vocal range form the pretty pop in “This Is What Makes Us Girls” to the deathly beautiful in “Video Games”.

Del Rey’s lyrics continue to amaze and inspire with ‘Carmen’ - “Darlin’ doesn’t have a problem/Lieing to herself/’Cos her liquor’s top shelf” and ‘National Anthem’ “Money is the anthem of success/So put on mascara/And you party dress”.

If anything else, Del Rey is a refreshing burst of talent for the pop industry; mainstream listeners are starting to grow weary of songs discussing a persons habits ‘in da club’ and are instead searching for music with more depth and dare I say it - talent.

Lana Del Rey has this and more, ‘Born To Die’ is a masterpiece of the alternative pop era and is beautifully crafted to create a listening experience that will make you want to go back for more. Her artistic flair with her image, her music and her fashion has made her transformation from Lizzy Grant to who she is now perfect and I can very easily give this album 5/5.

I guess Q was correct in saying that she will be the ‘Next Big Thing’.

My Opinion on Things

Chinos - I thought they were nice then after a while, wanker after wanker after wanker started wearing them. They popped up in River Island (Half wanker island/half nice clothes (nice bags)) and then the head of the wankers society, One Direction started wearing these wanker trousers and now I hate them; because the people who wear them are wankers, and they have turned the chino into wanker trousers. Wanker. 

Rihanna - Talented, but manufactured. Lady Gaga has given her fans the luxury of actually writing her own songs and having some sort of meaning behind them and in the video. Rihanna does not do this however, and about 99% of her songs are about sex. I have listened to her new album lots of time, and I love it. I’m a teenager. I love sex.

Discworld - I’m reading ‘Witches Aboad’ and half of me loves it and the other half of me hates it. I daresay I would love it about 20% more if it had some FUCKING CHAPTERS.

New New Twitter - I love it. I love the iPhone app. I love the web experience. Twitter has grown up a bit. 

The Daily Mail - I read the Daily Mail more than any other newspaper. It’s like The Onion, only real. I love it!

I CAN’T FUCKING THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE. 

Why We’re All Fucked

We’re fucked because we don’t have any money. Seriously, there’s none. And don’t expect to get bailed out by a European country, the Eurozone isn’t in the giving mood. 

We’re fucked because we all look like shit. Look at the magazines, THE PEOPLE IN THESE MAGAZINES ARE PRETTY, we aren’t pretty. We need to buy Photoshop so we can liquify our lives but of course we don’t have any money to do so.  

We’re fucked because we hate ourselves. We watch television shows, movies, Youtube videos, we look at other people. We want to BE them, we want their life because ours is so inanely boring that any alternative is the best alternative. We want to be funny, sexy, intelligent, have lots of great friends and be the bestest friend to these great friends that any friend can be. 

We’re all fucked because spell-check is ruining our lives. We’re turning into illiterate animals because a computer thinks for us these days, (I spelled ‘turning’ and ‘illiterate’ wrong.. then ‘spelled’). 

We’re fucked because all we want to do is drink, eat, and smoke but all of it will fuck us over more than any rapist can. 

We’re fucked because the young people of today are being influenced by Cher Lloyd, JLS and N-Dubz. They’re turning into a generation of idiots without an ounce of creativity in them. (We’re also fucked because young people don’t read).

We’re fucked because we have no body out there who cares about us.

We’re fucked because we can’t sleep.

We’re fucked because we don’t want to work but we want to achieve. 

We’re fucked because we think too much, we have far too many problems, and enjoying life with what we have just isn’t fun any more. 

Depression Through the Eyes of a Person Who’s Only Experience with Depression is Through The Bell Jar

You sit in ‘your’ room, listening to some sad music. You run out of sad music so you create a Last.fm station for sad music. You feel a deep connection with the sad music and you feel sad. 

You can’t eat, you can’t sleep. You can’t do anything. You can’t laugh, smile, talk. You can’t even cry. You feel like your not a person, you just sort of, exist and the things, people, places you exist around don’t want you existing. 

The Bell Jar. It makes you feel alone. Above anything else, the thing you yearn for the most is for someone to be there, for someone to understand - the professionals understand too much of course, they ask the questions that they think will get the correct answers. But who can tell which answers are the correct ones. 

You begin to wonder why you are depressed. Is it because you’re creative? You’ve had the intelligence and imagination to believe that you are ‘sad’ but why should it be you? Your parents were never depressed and they had an astrological amount of problems compared to you. Were they not intelligent enough?

Then of course, after you are institutionalist and had the tits shocked off you, you start to feel better again; and then you do the unthinkable.

You are normal again.

(This was supposed to have ironic irony but it’s just shit; but read The Bell Jar - it’s amazing).

The Pursuit for the Perfect Phone

Over the last year, I have been using three smart-phones as my mobile phone of choice. These phones were the HTC Desire HD, BlackBerry Curve 8900 and the iPhone 4. I have been in three entirely different environments with different ecosystems and different definitions of what a phone was supposed to do, and yet I’m still struggling to find a phone that will do perfectly want I want to do - the perfect phone. 

In September of last year, I was using a BlackBerry Curve 8520 that seemed to do the job for me. But then one day, a friend of mine came into school with a HTC Desire HD, this huge phone was nothing I had seen before. It was thin, light and had this beautiful 4.3” screen, it was also my first experience of using Android. While I was fiddling with the phone, something clicked inside of me, my subconscious had made a decision that I was not even aware of until I was not with the Desire HD - that I wanted one.

It was the months of archaic frustration that comes with owning a BlackBerry that drove me to it, in front of me was this beautiful device with so much capability and there I was with a shitty, cheap blackberry and an iPod Classic to lug around. The experience of actually getting the phone was painful (contract problems) but when I did, I was happy. First of all, the apps were amazing. Compared to the awful BlackBerry OS apps that I was used to, the apps that I was using on Android worked perfectly, looked pretty and offered more features and usability. The hardware of the HTC phone was good also (until it wasn’t), it was pretty with that gorgeous screen and 8 Megapixel camera in tow it seemed to be an amazing phone. 

The freedom of Android was also refreshing, it seemed like you could do anything with the Android OS. Install whatever app you like, download whatever you want. It was also a nice UI, my love/hate relationship with HTC Sense aside, it was intuitive, easy to use and pretty good looking at the same time. 

Cracks began to show with my Desire HD however, at the start, these cracks were just small smudges in my mind but as the phone became part of my day to day use, I couldn’t handle it any more. 

The biggest fault and the biggest complaint I had with this phone was so huge and so completely unacceptable that it really shouldn’t of been called a phone - it wouldn’t receive texts or calls.

Maybe that statement was a bit hyperbolic but it actually is true. There was major delays in receiving text messages, my friend sitting right beside me would send me a text and I would get it two hours later, and sometimes I would never get the text. And if someone tried to ring me, they were out of luck; about 75% of calls made to my phone just would not go through and if they did, they would be dropped. After several heated calls to o2, it was determined that it was a hardware/software fault and not a network fault. So I sent if off for repair. 

The phone was gone for a month and a half and on the same day that I was told that it had been stolen, it arrived on my door step, broken. Two days later I received a brand new one. The ‘stolen’ one was never asked to be returned. 

So I received a brand new phone, a fresh start, it would be great! But no, the exact same problems occurred but I simply ignored them, I was far too happy to actually have the phone back that I wasn’t in the mood for sending it off for another month. At this point, the phone had become my life, it had all of my music on Spotify, my school timetable and homework and my social life in there too, I couldn’t let it go. So I just didn’t text anyone and told anyone who wanted to ring me to not bother. 

Another unwelcome surprise from this phone was how awful the battery life was, soon I was carrying around spare batteries and at about 5 o’clock every day, I was changing ‘em. I stopped myself from playing games because I knew that having the screen on for so long would drain the battery in no time and if I was considering going on any trips, my first thought was whether or not I needed to bring spare batteries and a charger. 

Soon after that, I began getting really annoyed with the Android OS, it was so… complicated. It’s hard to explain but your always thinking about something that should just work! For instance, if you opened up the FaceBook app, it would start looking for your location and since the GPS was HORRIBLE it just wouldn’t stop, therefore the battery would be drained for no reason. To rectify this you had to go to settings>applications>manage applications>(wait for list to load)>facebook>force close>ok EVRY TIME.

Also, my mind was constantly focused on what my mobile signal was like. In Omagh, you could either be connected to

• GSM (Slow as fuck)
• EDGE (Slightly better but still slow as fuck)
• HSDPA (Fast)
• 3G (EVEN FASTER)

and my life was CONSUMED on which I was connected to, if I was on GSM or EDGE, I wouldn’t bother checking my FaceBook or googling something and then as soon as I got into a HSDPA area, I checked all of my feeds just because I knew it would do so quickly and I might not get the chance for another while and if I was in 3G I would go ape-shit crazy and take pictures and check more feeds and just be generally happy with the fact that I could do whatever I wanted with the phone because the internet was fast. 

Over the months I was also starting to notice one of the tech industry’s biggest flaws with Android - it’s fragmentation. I waited 6 months after Gingerbread’s release for the actual update to my phone and months after I did, Ice Cream fucking Sandwich was released and along with it the news that my phone will not be updated to it! So I was going to be using a phone with an OS that was basically out of date with no chance of major updates. No thanks. 

And finally, the once amazing HTC Desire HD’s last shortcoming was one of the things that attracted it to me in the first place - it’s size and hardware.

It’s too big. It’s unnecessarily big. It was so big it wouldn’t fit properly in my hand and just looked like a ‘small iPad’, the screen real estate wasn’t attracting me any more and it started to become a nuisance. And the 8 Megapixel camera? Megapixel’s aren’t as important as you think, that thing had 8 and the pictures looked AWFUL, it looks fine on the screen but as soon as you import them onto your laptop, they may as well of been taken by a BlackBerry.

I’ve written quite a lot there so why don’t you take a break for a few minutes.

Before these cracks of Android became massive gaping holes, however, I bought myself a BlackBerry Curve 8900 on eBay (demonstrating that I shouldn’t be allowed money). I bought it at the start of summer this year, after about 3 weeks of being disconnected from my Blackberry wielding friends I decided that the best thing to do would be to join them and use the Blackberry along with my Desire HD, but for BBM only. 

After about 8 months of using a touch screen, that Blackberry keyboard felt good. I was typing faster and no longer was telling my friends long stories a cumbersome task. And what can I say about BBM? It’s amazing. It doesn’t matter wherever you are, it’ll work (UNTIL IT DOESN’T FOR 3 DAYS OF COURSE) and you didn’t have to worry about whether or not the message sent because the phone connected to EDGE and there’s a time-out on processes that take too long. Another commendable feature was that the battery would last the whole day (it depresses me that this can be a commendable feature).

However, it is a BlackBerry and the negatives completely outweigh the positives, first of all, I had to send my Desire HD into repair again for a speaker issue that I caused and in that time, the BlackBerry was my main phone. It was literally the worst two weeks of my life (in terms of phones).

It didn’t have a Spotify app (WINDOWS MOBILE 6.5 HAS A SPOTIFY APP) so I was listening to the same 23 Lady Gaga songs all day, every day on my iPod Shuffle. The Facebook and Twitter apps are awful… no let me re-phrase that, all of the apps are awful. They look ugly and they don’t work. And holy god downloading them resulted in an unusable phone for about 10 minutes while it downloaded, installed and then re-booted. And then of course the entire Blackberry OS was awful, I don’t even want to go into how bad it is. And it froze all the fucking time. As soon as I got my Desire HD back the Blackberry was wrapped up and shipped away to a new home, not even BBM could save that dying mutt. 

And then the unholy thoughts about the iPhone began. 

It was the iPhone 4s launch that did it. All of these problems that I had been having with Android kept bubbling and bubbling away and I was getting more and more frustrated about that fact that I didn’t have a phone that ‘just worked’ the more and more I was thinking about iPhones. 

By the day of the iPhone 4s event, I had convinced myself that whatever would be released that day, I would be buying. Of course plans change and after realising that I am actually not made out of money, I bought an iPhone 4 32GB on eBay, my thought process being that I can upgrade to the newest iPhone when my contract runs out next November. 

I’ve had the iPhone for a mere 4 days but I feel I have enough experience with it to try and form some sort of opinion. I’m going to try and not make this some shitty little review but actually try and explain how the iPhone is my (!!!SPOILER ALERT!!!) perfect phone. 

I’m going to first of all, start with the negatives, of which I have 3:

• Wi-Fi range is awful. Really awful. The phone could be beside the router and only have two bars. But after some internet research, I’ve found out that it’s a hardware problem covered by the warranty which doesn’t apply to me because I bought the phone of eBay and it was originally purchased over a year ago. Oh fucking well.
• Battery isn’t great, but this could be redacted because I have a habit of not putting a new phone down for the first 2 weeks. 
• Gmail integration isn’t great. But if they can actually build a decent app that doesn’t need to be yanked, this should be solved. 

Now onto the good stuff! The not very important stuff is bullet pointed because this is turning into a very long blog post:

• Pretty (omg so pretty)
• GREAT case selection
• Amazing quality screen
• FUCKING FANTASTIC camera
• I CAN FUCKING TAKE SCREEN SHOTS!
• The vibrate/loud switch <—- Genuis

Now. iOS 5 is great. It’s simple, fluid, clean; you don’t need to worry about unnecessary app drawers or widgets and it has this air of simplicity about it. And the apps. are. amazing. All of the apps that I am using are 100% better than their Android counterparts and in keeping in theme with iOS itself - they just work!

But on top of all of this is the fact that it does just work, apart from this wi-fi thing that will have to be sorted, I don’t have to think about anything! I don’t need to worry about whether or not the GPS has found my location because it just does! I don’t need to worry about someone texting me, because I get their texts straight away! And I don’t need to worry about notifications because it’s all push and it all works. 

—-

I don’t want to sound like an Apple fan boy but the iPhone is the first phone that I have ever owned that I have loved, for me, it’s perfect. It does what I want and it looks pretty as it does so, I just hope that it will live up to my expectations, because I refuse to have any more headaches over phones.

On The Dresden Dolls

It was this time last year that I had first came across one of my now most favourite artists, The Dresden Dolls. The Dresden Dolls are different - the Boston born, two piece band consists of Amanda Palmer and Brian Viglione and they named the genre they played themselves as Brechtian punk cabaret.

The first song I heard was ‘Backstabber’ which was on their second album ‘Yes, Virginia’, I was listening to Lady Gaga radio on Last.fm and I was utterly incensed with who they were and the music they made. The non-pop, piano playing music was something that I hadn’t listened to in a long time. I delved deeper via Spotify and I unleashed a beast that was yearning to be sprung into my world.

I still firmly believe that their début album, ‘The Dresden Dolls’ is their best. Good Day, Missed Me, Half Jack, Gravity, The Jeep Song - all amazing. And the song that inspired me to breach into my insanity, ‘Girl Anachronism’ is one of the best songs I’ve ever heard. 

The awful music that is being inflicted onto us every day seems so unnatural and flawed when I listen to the pure, raw voice of Amanda Palmer and the stunning percussion skills of Brian Viglione and the dramatic, lyrics that scare me and make my heart melt at the same time inspire me so much. 

But to my original point - this music is different. This music has the most beautiful expression and the most contagious sound from any artist that I’ve ever heard. The power of the weird is so immersing and it gives light to the freak inside every single one of us.

I’m just going to stop now to save myself and everyone reading this from embarrassment. 

On Being the New Kid

Last month, I had the absolute pleasure of moving to a new school (just down the road from my old one) to do my A Level’s for the next two years. Therefore, I was a ‘new kid’. There are all types of new kids and I came across a few of them when they were in the exact same boat as me. There’s the girl from the big city who was forced to move and wasn’t happy about it, utterly ‘cosmo’ and incredibly unfriendly - until you get to know her. There’s the guy that’s in the band who you think is cool, but no, quiet, weird and personality-less; he tries hard to break the ice but the sheer annoyance of his voice impresses the silence further. Then there’s the quiet, shy, smart girl who doesn’t speak but when she does… she has a lot to say. 

You’re given a tour of the school, a tour that you don’t see the point of because as soon as the information enters your head its gone again. Then one by one, all of us new kids are allocated into a new form group which basically will be the family you don’t want for the next two years. 

You get to your own from room, the ‘cosmo girl’ is with you (THANK GOD) and you’re introduced - ‘This is Ryan McKernan, he’s from Omagh High School’ suddenly the whispers of ‘I KNOW HIM’ are more than whispers and you are watched by a sea of hawks as you make an absolute tit of yourself trying to get a chair. 

You sit at the front of the room, look at the cosmo girl and from that point on, you are friends. Bound by circumstance, kept together by that special kind of platonic love.

The problem the new kid faces is making a good first impression right of the bat, because let’s face it, you only have one chance to determine who you are and who your friends will be. So you think long and hard that morning about how you are going to do you hair, you stupidly decide to over-do it and it just looks awful when attending a school where pupils are slightly more concerned about their grades than their hair. You then go onto uniform, the decision is made to wear it messily to look cool. This results in looking like a homeless person. Finally you get to the bags - do I take a bag? What if nobody else has brought one? But what if they give me books? OH GOD. You take a bag.

So there you are, hair gell’d, messed the fuck up and holding a bag, looking like a right tit for no other reason than your a new kid. 

Normally, when a new school day begins, you meet your bestest friends outside, laugh for a bit then go outside, speak to more of your friends and go to class. But not here, not in this new, strange building where everyone likes to STARE, here you must create the right impression without actually knowing what that impression is. Because this is school.

~~~

You find out about three weeks later that most of the school already knows who you are and the majority of the people in your form class wanted to come and say hello, but were too scared. You have friends, drama and good teachers - everything you need to survive school. You then start to really like your new school, and start to forget the old, it’s here that you realise that when all the social crap is out of the way and this nonsense about first bloody impressions is abandoned, that this is the right choice.

And you pledge that if another new kid arrives at your door, you give them the warmest greeting you can. I think its called empathy.

On My GCSE’s

Easter 2011 – summer 2011, a gap in this year that I have very little memory of, and also the period of time in which I was revising for and doing my GCSE examinations. There are some exams that I barely remember doing and there are even exams that I’m convinced that I haven’t done purely due to the fact that I do not remember doing the exam and I do not remember anything about the subject in question.

I am awake and bored so instead of reading, I’m going to write about my GCSE’s.

Journalism: This one is fairly easy to remember. First of all I had already done a Journalism exam last (school) year but was unhappy with my B grade so I decided to repeat. The effort I had put into my coursework was monumental, to the point where I was interviewing the Minister for Education in Northern Ireland and asking her random, irrelevant questions because I hadn’t prepared what I was going to say. The exam second time around was ‘easy’ so to speak. I used the entire time bar two minutes and wrote good quality articles, the only place that I can remember lacking was in my picture caption and headlines. THEY CAN’T EXPECT ME TO THINK OF PUNS UNDER PRESSURE. 

I.C.T.: My memory is flawed but as far as I can remember, my coursework was excellent and I have potentially A*’ed or failed the exam. I hope it’s the former.

English Language & English Literature: I don’t want to talk about it. I received A*’s in all my coursework so I’m praying to Sarah Jessica-Parker and Marc Jacobs that the balance will be enough to give me an A after my poor exam performance. At that point in time, I was so sick of that fucking school and everyone in it, so I was in absolutely no mood to write comprehensions and annotate poems. 

History: Again, A* coursework, poor exam performance. If I get a B I’ll be over the moon.

R.E.: OH MY GOD. 

L.L.W.: I don’t even know what to say, I can’t remember the exam or the subject.

That’s all the subjects I can remember/want to talk about so here’s some more writing for you to read. (I just realised I didn’t include maths – I was always really awful at maths then I got an expensive tutor and I got really good, I hope I get a B, it’s really the only result I care about).

My results will be coming on Thursday 25th. I’m not nervous and I’m not excited, I just hope that the results don’t turn me into a crying, screaming, bitching mess that requires medical assistance. When I was doing those exams I was in a very ‘bad’ place. I didn’t want to go anywhere near my school, I didn’t want to talk to anyone in that school and I didn’t want to listen to any of the fucking teachers in that god-awful fucking school.

I felt unchallenged, like I was going through the motions of academia for absolutely no reason and I wasn’t allowing myself to be creative. I was also annoyed with myself for the serious lack of revision and preparation that I did but one of the main reasons for that era being the most painful for me were the people around me. People who are walking into an exam room shouting “I’m going to fail OMG” and sucking in all the attention they can get. They didn’t want to work, they didn’t want to achieve and I was very quickly turning into one of those people, like the rest of them, I just said “fuck it!” 

I’M NOT WRITING ANY MORE.